The Pea

I took my son to see "Once Upon a Mattress" when we were in NYC several years ago (it was a quick decision at the Tickets! Tickets! kiosk in the middle of Times Square, okay?). Based on the Anderson's fairy tale "The Princess and the Pea" it starred Sarah Jessica Parker pre "Sex in the City" days. I remember watching her toss and turn, and, yes, burst into song because she just COULD NOT get comfortable. That little pea at the bottom of her mattress was making her miserable. I am NOT bursting into song but I am miserable when it comes to choosing mattresses.

We slept in the bed we just abandoned in the Midwest for nine years. It felt great in the mattress store, perfect in fact. Not too firm, not too soft, roomy and king sized. Memory foam was just coming into vogue and it sounded like the best thing since, well, straw filled mattresses. Oh, this mattress had a memory all right. When it was delivered it came with a pre-memorized bump down the center. I would swear someone else had slept on it and the mattress conformed to their body types and wasn't going to forget them. We called the mattress company and explained our issue but were told it takes at least ninety days to get used to a new mattress. Nights ninety one and ninety two must have felt okay because we decided to keep it - too much trouble to exchange, money invested, blah blah. We were only too happy to leave that mattress behind, hoping the next person could learn to negotiate that hill in the middle better than we did.

When we arrived in NYC we slept on our blow-up queen size mattress for five very long, very uncomfortable nights. (It sprung a leak on our very first night but fortunately a bicycle tire patching kit saved us.) We decided a queen size would work for us and give us more floor space. We were thrilled to be mattress shopping again. Finally, FINALLY, we would find something perfect. Firm, but not too firm. Something we could say "ah" on while we stretched, curled, and rolled over. Maybe a mattress where I would feel like bursting into song.

Not so fast. We tried out several mattresses, then tried out several more. Making a mattress decision after spending the night on a half inflated blow up mattress and a sense of urgency is not the best idea. But buy a mattress we did. It was delivered two nights ago and we discovered we bought a VERY firm mattress. As in sleeping on a board loosely wrapped in foam. And I swear it tilts, as in water boarding only the opposite direction. I am NOT bursting into song.

This salesman told us it takes only thirty days to know whether this will be a good mattress for us. So, it's down to 28 days (or nights).

 I am hoping for a fairy tale ending but I have a feeling this mattress is imbedded with a pea.